When you see people, what is the most important thing you look at ?
Looks, behavior, voice, expression,
occupation, status, money, fame, popularity,
personality, view of life, interest, taste,
ability, talent, etc..
As you know, everyone has different views of value based on one's personality, experience, and places where they were born and grew up.
and when we choose a marriage partner or a life partner, our final goal I think is to keep having happy marriage life ( or happy life ) with the partner forever.
"Image" is the most important ?
While I was searching for something I was interested in, I came across a website which is similar to yahoo questions & answers.
and I found it's interesting to know what many people seem to think is the most important when choosing a partner.
For the comments from women, many were saying these kinds of comments and questions below
" How can I get married with a person who has high status ?
" I got married with a man who earns $150,000 annual income ! "
" I want to marry with a person who has more than $$$$$$$$/yr annual income !"
" I'm looking for a person who is good looking, tall, high income, high status ."
" Do you think this kind of person's status is okay and not feeling embarrassed to tell to my friends ?"
etc...
and questions or comments from men are
" How can I get married with a person who is a young pretty lady who is in her 20's ?. "
"I want to have kids, so younger lady who is under 30 is better."
" Most of guys prefer to marry with a young pretty lady who is under 30. "
" I'm 38 years old. I have high status in my career and have high income, so I'm expecting to get married with a young lady who is at least 28 or younger. "
Many men who are older than 35 years old envy to men who are similar ages as them, who got married with pretty young ladies who are around 20's.
While seeing many of the posts there, many women choose their partner by status mainly, and for men, age sounds important for them.
Also, from many of the comments , the impression one gets is that their search for a partner was like no difference from job hunting.
Especially comments when looking for a marriage partner in a marriage arrangement center, or dating services.
Many women are looking for a man who has - High income, high status, good looking.
While I was reading about their importance of choosing a partner, I felt like "Image" is the most important for them.
How they are seen by others.
Love or Money ?
There was another thread with the theme of "Love or money " when you choose your marriage partner in the website question & answer.
and while reading the answers from over 100 people who are of a variety of ages, I noticed that there are basically two types of people who choose a partner - which are from their heart ( feeling ), or from their mind ( thought ).
People who choose their partner by their heart choose love which is from feeling.
and people who choose by their minds care about partner's money ( financial situation, income ), status, occupation, fame, popularity etc..
This is not about which is better or not.
But choosing someone for practical reasons, like money, comes from more care for the image, what others may think if one chooses this or that partner.
and for choosing someone from their heart, there is no calculation, it's inspiration.
There are people who chose love , they said it's hard to get married with someone you can not love, no romantic feeling, don't want to take care of someone they don't love when they get older, don't want to make a kid with someone they don't love, etc..
Also, there are people who chose money and they said that it started from love but it turned to money after they lost love due to poverty.
They said if there is no money, it's hard to have good relationship and love is gone, so as a result, they felt without money you can not keep love.
There are people who chose money and said they don't believe love last forever, it's only in the beginning.
There are women who said they love men who have ability to save money, who know how to manage money, and as a result, it shows money is the most important for them.
Personally,
I chose love, which was 100% from my heart.
Because my happiness is being with someone I really love.
It's clear when I spend time with someone I love, it's so fun wherever I go, whatever I do, like eating delicious foods at a restaurant with your loved one makes you feel happy , but you get bored to be with someone you don't love.
Not only marriage partner, but I choose almost everything from my feeling, from my heart.
and from my experience, when I chose something from my mind, by thinking too much about benefits, while ignoring my own voice, it usually failed.
I think if there is real love, money problem doesn't occur or even if it occurs, love can handle the situation.
Marriage partner for me is like there is no replacement of that person.
and getting married means building a partnership .
Men are humans who cheat ?
When I got married, one of my supervisors ( who was about 54 year old man at that time ) in the different branch of the company where I worked for told me that men are humans who cheat, so you better know and understand.
That supervisor said he got married because his wife asked him to marry with her, so he accepted.
and so he feels he can do anything he wants because she was the one to ask him.
However, he was a funny person who often talked with humor, so it didn't make me upset or feel bad, just I thought he is that kind of person who is living in a different world from me.
There are also many men who are faithful , and situation can be changed based on each other's heart connection.
I just believed my inspiration.
If there is joy, laugh and comfort place where one can relax, I think most of men don't take a high risk to lose such a happy present situation.
and focusing on whether your partner may cheat or not, feelings coming from worry and fear, may attract that reality.
Personally, I don't remember that I have ever worried about it in my life, so maybe this was the reason I had never been cheated by men I have ever loved in my life.(?)
Love is only in the beginning ?
I saw and heard there are many men think like that, or many older marriage couples don't look like they are in love.
and couples are connected because there are kids, they said if there were no kids, they could get divorced.
Not only men, but my dancing teacher ( who was about 55 years old at that time ), also told me that happy marriage feeling is only in the beginning, soon it will change.
She said her husband got fat and bald which she doesn't like, and she said , she and her husband had been living in different bedrooms for a long time.
There are many people who think same way as my dancing teacher.
My mother's opinion looked dry to men, in my view.
She got married twice in her life.
My dad was very intelligent, social, and was handsome ( when he was younger ), had a lot of humor, a challenger, curiosity, temper.
My step father was faithful, dry but caring, responsible, talented for art, quiet, peaceful.
My mother told me that she wondered why she chose both men who are not match with her.
But it looked to me after my mom failed for her first marriage with my dad due to his temper and cheating , she found a very faithful sweet man ( who became my step father ) who was 11 years younger than her.
I thought he is a great person who was always nice to me and my brother without saying any complaints and was a gentleman to my mom.
But my mom often seemed irritated with my stepfather even though I saw many people complimenting about how sweet he is, especially in that generation's men in Japan.
I didn't feel my mom and my step father had a strong connection with their relationship.
But I always believed there is forever love no matter the environment, no matter what others say.
I was stubborn.
In my case,
What was the most important to choose a marriage partner ?
I realized that my husband Ray has some similar personality to my step father who is very faithful, caring, and has never told me what to do, and has a big heart, gave me freedom.
What I care was not only one, but mainly from my feeling & inspiration while seeing the person's looks, talking voice, behavior, personality, interests, dream, the place where, and how that person grew up, life experience.
These are my first things to look at, and also my feeling while I'm with that person.
Looks -
When we see people first time, first thing we see naturally is looks, including the facial expression most of the time.
We can not know the personality just after met each other.
Beauty is in eyes of the beholder and there is always a type of looks for each person.
Total balance of the looks from head to toe including outfits and hairstyle and voice.
Everyone has their own type of " good looking " person .
There are always types of faces that each person likes or dislikes which are not based on the trends, popularity, or someone else's view.
Many people may think it's shallow to choose a partner from the looks.
But I feel it's natural to be attracted by the type of our favorite looks, and no need to feel guilty for it.
and for those who say it's shallow to choose their partner from looks, I think they are judging from their ego.
I think it's fine to choose a partner starting from the looks if one feels from the heart.
Fall in love with someone is something like magic to me and it always comes from one's heart.
My type of man was often different from my friends type of man.
Also depending on the cultural location, it can be big different.
Especially, many Japanese women's type are also different from American women's type, as is each European country women's type.
It's all about one's type , no matter what others may think.
Whether one is popular looking or not.
Also, there are faces and looks I'm not attracted but which are considered as good looking or handsome by many women.
So it's not that simple to say, that choosing from just looks is shallow.
Personality -
There is always match and not match.
There are tons of people who are called as good people, but if the person doesn't make me feel good and happy, and it's not good person for me.
I like people who are
* Warmhearted.
* Having common interests, similar view of life and things, can help to have
wonderful time with the person. But opposite type of personality from me is like yin and yang.
* Having same laughing taste.
Behavior -
I love refined, to be treated as a lady,
And while seeing many men, I did notice what kind of man I'm not match, and which I'm match.
and I found myself that I'm match with the type of person who has the kind of personality as this quote below,
" Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.
Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend."
by Albert Camus
Knowledge-
I like people who are knowledgeable for many things but it's nothing to do with high education.
I like people who have flexible minds and having curiosity to find truth of this world.
But the most important thing is spiritual connection between me and the partner.
If it's match, I would feel comfortable to be with the person, and the person gives me joy and happy feeling.
When I fell in love with someone, the crush feeling was suddenly coming up to my heart.
It's not theory, so I can not explain why, and how I fell in love with the person.
But it never happened based on one's occupation, career, fame, income, or anything what one has.
I thought everyone feels same way from my experience.
However, from the internet information which was posted by many people, I found there are so many people who can love based on fame, income, career, occupation or anything what the person has.
It means if the person doesn't have those things, they are not loving the person and would not have chosen him/her ???
It may also happen that some people who fall in love with one's fame, career, income, occupation, popularity, but later it turned to love and got spiritual connection with the partner.
At the end, what I feel is
marriage life is like building a relationship with a partner by opening our heart, and to learn how to keep it successfully.
and once we could build a strong relationship with our partner, there will not have the replacement of him/her in one's life.
Having similar goal in life, view of life are required to have happy marriage life as well.
Love is the most important to have successful marriage life.
and choosing a life partner from your heart gets the best result.