Today, I would like to talk about life.
This post is going to be personal.
Until when I was around late 30S, I thought death mostly happened when people became senior ages.
Or people who are much older than me.
My dad died at the age of 46 when I was 14.
My mother died at the age of 60.
Since I left Japan, and started living in the USA, several my relatives passed way, who are my grandmother ( 89 ) and three uncles (82, and 70S )
And this year, the most recently, my older brother who is only 2 years older than me passed away.
He was 51years old.
It was very shocking and made me sad.
In my childhood, I grew up with him in the same room.
He got serious illness when he was 19 years old and since then his health condition was often ups and downs and he had to spend his life at the hospital until the end.
Originally, he was very smart, active, sensitive , also talented for many things . He was born in March of 1961.
But he had to take strong drug medicines for his illness and it ruined not only his body but many good parts of him.
If you take strong drug medicines for a long time, from the side effects, it damages your body.
He had one strong dream in his life, and everything seems went well until my dad’s death.
He was a very loyal person and always had “ one” goal, or one great friend, or one great idol star as his hero.
So when he gave up his dream, it looked to me he also gave up his life.
He was a very complicated person so it was not easy for him to find another dream.
We sometimes enjoyed talking about music.
Music was the best common topic to talk with him.
His favorite musician/singer was also only one, who is Kenji Sawada also called Julie who is a Japanese pop singer and a musician since his childhood.
Julie was one of the top stars in 1970s, also continued to have hits in 1980s as well. Also called as Asian David Bowie.
I feel he reminds me of Freddie Mercury in some ways.
沢田研二 ( Sawada Kenji ) ／コバルトの季節の中で ( Kobaruto no kisetsu no nakade )
This song above is my favorite of his songs, and later I found out Julie composed this music by himself.
I wasn’t a big fan of him like my brother because I was more of fanatic fan of other musicians but I loved many of Julie’s songs.
And also thought Julie is a great singer and has a strong charisma.
Julie received many big awards through his songs.
There were several musicians my brother was also loving such as Beatles, Carpenters , etc..
I knew Beatles and Carpenters because my brother was often playing their music in our childhood.
Recently I have been listening to Julie’s songs for my brother, so that he can also listen to it and I realized that Julie has many great songs.
1970s music is something very warmhearted to me.
Very touching.
沢田研二 ( Sawada Kenji) / 時の過ぎ行くままに ( Toki no sugiyuku mamani )
This song was the biggest hit of his songs, and while I was playing many of Julie’s songs, my husband said he loves this song the most.
Even though he doesn’t understand the lyrics of this song, it's something touching and loves the sound of the music.
I’m sure my brother also loved this song as well.
I have learned many things through my brother.
I want thank to my brother for being my brother.
I still can’t believe he left this world and I won’t be able to meet him anymore.
I’m very wishing him to have wonderful time in the world he went and meet our parents and other relatives who already went there.
Memory is forever, and I will always remember him.
And 2 days ago, I received another shocking news from my friend’s husband.
As usual I was sending holiday cards to my Japanese relatives and my friends who live in Japan, which is my yearly habit.
I noticed that last year, I didn’t hear from my friend called Lin-chan who we’ve been keeping contact each other since almost 20 years ago.
However, her husband said she passed away this July 11 from breast cancer which started 5 years ago.
She was writing to me a few years ago that she had a health problem but already recovered and she is fine now, so I wasn’t worried about it.
So shocking, and sad.
She was writing to me a few years ago that she had a health problem but already recovered and she is fine now, so I wasn’t worried about it.
So shocking, and sad.
She was 45 years old, four years younger than me.
Still young.
and has three children.
Her oldest child is 15 years old.
She looked happy with her family.
I always enjoyed and looking forward to seeing her holiday cards every new year’s day.
I met Lin-chan at the hotel in the ski village, Shiga-Kogen in Nagano , Japan about 21 years ago.
I went there for both working and skiing.
Every winter season, the hotel was hiring some workers during the ski season. It was kind of adventure and I had a very fun time with some workers there.
Lin-chan and I soon became friends.
Lin-chan and I soon became friends.
She often made people laugh, cheerful, sweet, funny, unique, and also was a quick learner (= talented).
I still remember that joyful time like it was very recently.
She was not the only person who got breast cancer within 5 years, but one of my other friend’s and also my step father’s wife.
In their case, they found out early in the beginning , before it get worse, and they got rid of it by doing operation.
So they seem fine now. But I’ve heard it’s possibly coming back.
They all look happy marriage.
All my friends looked happy marriage.
But why they got illness?
We don’t know.
We really don’t know what kind of things have been in their mind.
Somehow, now I can picture and can understand the lonely feeling of what many senior people were saying, and also what Franz Liszt was saying when he became elderly and everyone passed away in his generation’s friends.
Aging is like that and that’s life.
However, there is always discovering something new every year through aging.
Everyone is aging and it’s natural in life but it‘s so shocking when your brother and close friend who was similar age as you died.
My feeling is complicated now.