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Having social face is considered as very important to have good friendships/ relationships in our social life.
Depending on the country, there may be different habits though, in Japan, it's believed that saving face is required to have good social life depending on the situation.
Especially in the places which are related to business or work which belong with the customer service industries, social face is everywhere.
In the private life, I sometimes heard from people saying they are having problems from showing social face.
Example 1.
According to the person "A" , she (A) was just being nice to her friend and her friend's husband and complimented her husband's looks a lot and etc.., as social face, but her friend took it as serious and thought she is interested in and crazy about her husband.
Now the person is very frustrated because her friend didn't understand her social face and complains about her friend.
Example 2.
A married woman "A" was asked to introduce a man by her co-worker "B" who is a single woman.
So she set up a dating party inviting 3 men from her husband's company's co-workers, and 3 women from two friends of hers ( "C" and "D" ) and her co-worker "B".
In that day, one of her friends "C" was late about 1 hour because of her work.
and when " C" appeared in the party, one of the men told " C", that
" Oh, thank you, thank you for coming "C" !!! If a lady like you didn't come in this party we all would die from boredom."
and shaking hands to "C".
and when " C" appeared in the party, one of the men told " C", that
" Oh, thank you, thank you for coming "C" !!! If a lady like you didn't come in this party we all would die from boredom."
and shaking hands to "C".
The married woman (A) who set up the party was like OMG.. what's he talking about.. because the guy was being too honest and showing his feeling in front of the other two ladies including her co-worker.
So after the party finished , "A" was trying cheer up the other two later, by saying you are slender and tall, so they just thought you may not be interested in them.
"A" said she was having social face to make them feel better, and she thinks everyone would do the same to people who were in the similar situation.
However, in the next day, her co-worker "B" asked "A" to introduce more men to her.
and said to A that
" I think I'm out of many men's league. so most men can not easy to approach to me. "
"B" looked seriously saying, with no joke, so " A " was feeling like OMG.. she really thinks that way ???
or she might have taken my social face seriously.
After "A " heard this from "B", she feels " B" sounds too arrogant so she doesn't want to introduce men to her anymore and asking everyone what should she do.
Personally, I don't like social face.
Because it's uncomfortable to tell something as truth which I don't feel so.
If it's related to work, I understand it, but in private life, I wonder why it's necessary to do it ?
Example 1's case is like the person is making the trouble by herself by saying unnecessary things which she doesn't feel.
Example 2's case is more interesting, because we see both types of situations.
If the person is too honest to speak his/her mind, it can be rude and hurts people.
Little kids are like that.
Speaking one's mind can be rude and can hurt someone's heart depending on the situation.
and how "A" tried to make " B" and " D" feel better can make " A" herself feel frustrating when " B" took A's words seriously.
I also often read about that when someone gets a compliment about their looks and telling about it to others, many people consider it as lip service.
and it's silly to take it seriously, even though in actuality it may have been an honest compliment.
It sounds like rather taking it as the truth , they want to think it's just lip service.
People don't like to see someone else looks happy and delighted by compliments.
It's clear that these types of thinking are coming from their jealousy.
Two faces
I saw a Q & A site recently and someone was asking how can she find people who have no two faces.
She is looking for honest people who don't lie, but doesn't know how can she tell if the person is honest or not.
and I found it's interesting to read all the answers for it.
Many people's views are often interesting to read and hear because
their thoughts are made up from their experience, the way they were brought up, their bias, and/or their jealousy.
and their thoughts show themselves like a reflection in a mirror.
Two faces.
The image of someone having two faces is not a good impression for many people.
However, often it's very normal to have two faces which are social face and real face as a human being, except babies.
Many people's image of honest people who have only one face is that they are childish who tell everything they want, whatever comes their mind, good or bad.
Most of them think having two faces are necessary to have good relationships/ friendships.
and many people believe that those who call themselves as being honest all the time, are actually not honest.
but that people who say they have two faces are the ones who are actually being honest about themselves.
Many people are not trusting people who say they are honest because they think it's impossible to be honest all the time, except for babies.
So many people seems to have bad impression about honest people. ( or people who call themselves as honest and not having two faces. )
I'm very surprised to know about it.
Of course it's true that many people who claim they are honest are actually not and they have two faces, but it's also true that some people are genuinely quite honest.
For example, people who enjoy giving an honest heart-felt compliment.
Anger feelings come from fear.
So people who are bashing honest people's compliments to other people, and saying don't take it seriously, are either jealous that the other person received a genuine compliment, or they have a guilty feeling or complex.
Babies are honest and no two faces.
Babies are innocent.
Babies cry when they feel uncomfortable.
They laugh when they are happy.
It means all the people were originally honest.
and while growing up, we were taught to have social face by our environment in order to have good relationships.
For complimenting good aspects of others, anyone can be honest to tell the truth which they really feel.
But for commenting about bad parts of others ( or for the person who feels a complex ), it's often better not to say anything about it.
It means people are keeping that part inside and show only social face outside.
As a result, everyone has social face and real face ?